Month: September 2000

Whose laws? I wonder
I’ll worry about that later

The more important issue, it seems
Is that of this composition of flesh
To whom does this body belong? I ask myself

The plans were written on strands of protein
It is not my concern, presently, by whom they were written
The materials were collected as other bodies perished
And my body was assembled by one much like my own
It continues to sustain its existence at the price of other lives

So, if I ask whose body that is, I ought to ask who we are
Who are we? Are we our thoughts? Our feelings? Our actions and our words?
What part of us is it that owns our bodies—bodies made of pieces that first belonged to other bodies, designed and assembled by no action of our own?

Maybe our bodies own us.
After all, so many of our decisions are made with its benefits being the decisive factors

(I walk up to the counter and set a piece of plastic there
If this is my body, why is it so goddamned expensive to destroy it?
She hands me two hundred sticks of cancer; I walk out)

Who is right about this?
Conservatives can go screw themselves, as far as I am concerned
And liberals each other, regardless of my concern
But are any of them (moron) more on-target than the others?
I have a hard time believing that

I think that it’s really difficult to be objective
Especially when dealing with other people
After all, our desires help to shape our perception of reality
Our bodies want us to believe that they are ours, and because we are so tied to them, it is hard to disagree
Once we believe that they are ours, they are in control, but control is an illusion

My friend broke up with his girlfriend and told me that he didn’t want to have sex with her anymore
They still fuck like rabbits

I cross a river with no banks
To forests without trees
My loss I seek in this journey
And discontent to please

I think that which did not start
Must surely never end
A drink I take from empty cup
With nothingness I blend

This thought I couldn’t comprehend
This question with no answer
To rot is simply how I grow
My progress is my cancer

From my soul I take the pieces
To seek, to find, I lose
My control is powerless
And Fate is what I choose

The waking hours of my slumber
The dining without food
Light now cowers from the darkness
Invited, I intrude

Forever stretch the time and space
How could they reach an end
When never fades into always
And breaks that static trend

I want to know the truth
But that is just a lie
For now I save my youth
And wait until I die

There exists within my mind
A sense of beauty undefined
But when I seek it I go blind
And to my search I am confined

It comes when I do not expect
And brings a need to introspect
On thoughts and feelings I collect
This beauty has a strong effect

The principles I compromise
And seek to find my own demise
Though my longing I chastise
I hold out for that sweet surprise

To see it means to watch it grow
To hold it I must let it go
How to keep I do not know
Seeds of wilted plant I sew

I can see the changing tide
As I cut my selfish pride
In truth the beauty is inside
And now in that I will confide

For the sign I plan to wait
As I know the truth will sate
Anxiety I will sedate
To keep the time from growing late.

Everywhere I look, it seems
replacements are abound.
Right now I have only dreams
to ease the pain I found.

Or make it worse, if that’s the case;
I’m sure that much will do.
Whatever I get from the chase
I cannot make it through.

Bang my head against the wall,
this time I will not bleed.
Maybe I can keep it all
if I just pay no heed.

Familiar pain sure beats the fear
of trying to be real,
but now to keep my conscience clear
with sickness I must deal.

Push too hard and have no luck,
this seems to be too much.
All that I know is how to fuck
and use them as a crutch.

I will warn as I seduce,
and honesty won’t work;
young and full of baby juice,
I act like such a jerk.

I cannot do this anymore;
something has to give,
before I end up with a whore
or decide not to live.

The two stepped out, their mission clear
They must escape that place
But relief was not so near
And so they set their pace
They walked across the open field
And made it to the street
Although the snow would hardly yield
Their goal they had to meet
Their socks were wet; their ears were cold
But still they walked along
Though not to do this they were told
Their wills were much too strong
The path they took was not the best
But onward they would go
They had to hide from all the rest
For no one ought to know
Around the corner, almost there
They seem to contemplate
The benefits of warm dry air
And caffeine in their veins
They find relief from all this stress
As through the door they walk
Hi, how many, says the waitress
Just two to smoke and talk.

I sat alone on our park bench
And waited by our pond
Deep is thirst I try to quench
With memories so fond

My Aurora has departed
And this I had to learn
I do not know how this started
Or why my soul must burn

Present tries and will remove me
I do not want to leave
This time does not have empathy
And wants me not to grieve

I try in anger to depart
I want to bring you too
You live now only in my heart
With that I am not through

Our weather too will bring me pain
Remember days of old
How nice it was to walk in rain
Or hide inside from cold

So many lives there are to live
So many have gone by
From them is all I have to give
I hang my head to cry

Returning to reality
I find it much too soon
I feel the loss inside of me
And glance up at the moon

The moon has changed and I have not
Or did I get that wrong
The moon continues while I rot
I will not sing our song

But if I try I find some hope
Among these painful thoughts
My memory is how I cope
With changes in these plots

I do not have to search for you
In each new endeavor
I can make peace with all that’s new
And have you forever

So now I look up at my sky
But pay mind to the ground
I came here wanting just to die
Identity I found

Perhaps the time has come once more
To hurt a girl whom I adore
To action moved by appetite
I took her out into the night
And so it was that this began
I follow through with unknown plan
Though I try to maintain honor
I pin all frustration on her
She may now often fall behind
And to my sickness she is blind
I fight with her and play the fool
My lust and pain provide the fuel
Sweet misery is now my choice
It muffles out her precious voice
I wonder now if I can hide
Or overcome the hurt inside
Now better yet, I learn to dream
It’s not as bad as it may seem
Remember love and find some hope
Together with this we will cope