Reason enough for anyone. That damned soy milk is red! That probably is because the soybeans kept nipping at my hands while I was milking them. They’re vicious! And I was raised in between soybean fields and corn fields, so I’m no newcomer to legume lactation.
**NOTE: video has been edited**
Anyway, I was so excited taking that picture that I forgot to stop my popcorn. So here’s a video of me eating the burnt popcorn with chopsticks (because I have this OCD thing about my fingers smelling like food, and incidentally, it seems that the chopsticks would make for great physical therapy for my elbow and wrist—that shit is way harder than it used to be!). Enjoy!
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A relatively long day at work Thursday, arguably my first full day back since the accident, tuckered me out pretty well. By the end of an evening out among friends, a couple of my friends confronted me to let me know that they were concerned about me. They said that I had not been myself that evening and that I seemed confused, disoriented, and like I was having a hard time focusing. They wanted me to go back to the doctors and make sure that I don’t have any bleeding in my brain left as a result of the concussion. I went home to consider their words only to get a phone call shortly after getting there asking if I would go to the ER that night to get checked out. To do my best to alleviate concerns, though I really didn’t understand what everyone was worked up about, I agreed to go in to the ER. A few friends picked me up and we went and sat in the waiting room for a bit until I was admitted to get worked up. After answering some questions, they determined that the best thing to do would be a CAT scan to check my head. They went through with that and we then waited for a doctor to sign off on the results and around 4:30 they told me I was free to go. I was diagnosed with post-concussion syndrome and told to see a neurologist in the following weeks (after having it approved by the insurance folks). I went home to finally get some sleep to alleviate exhaustion, which I believed was fueling the symptoms that were raising so much concern.
Learning about the syndrome from a fact sheet I left the hospital with, I began to see that probably my younger brother Bob went through this following a high-speed collision on the football field a couple seasons back. I’m still not sure if he was ever clued in to the fact that he might’ve been battling with this sort of thing.
Nevertheless, as I woke up the next day and began to deal with my frustration at everyone’s concern, I heard from my fiancee back home that even she had been pretty worried. I finally began to accept the idea that maybe I really hadn’t been able to see it for myself even though everyone else around me could. I had only really noticed the way some symptoms affected my internal realities, like mental process taking longer than usual and have real difficulty focusing after getting tired. Now I began to see that, truly, some of the ways I’d been interacting with others had been affected, too. Probably if I’d been able to see those symptoms for myself, I would’ve been able to put a stop to them for myself. But it looks like it’s gonna be the sort of thing that requires me to really put some trust in my friends, who will be able to tell me how I’m doing better than I’ll be able to for myself for a while.
It’s a humbling experience, but I’m going to buckle down, and get by with a little help from friends.
As for me, the battle wounds seem to be healing up okay as time goes by. Yuka was in town for a week to help me out, and it did prove to be a great help. I was supposed to go out of town for work over the weekend, and Yuka was going to come along and then head home after. But bad weather in Kalamazoo, Michigan caused the cancellation of our flights. She rebooked for a ticket home on Saturday and my trip was canceled. It turned out to be for the better, not just because my energy levels have been already zapped by my recuperation, but also because I soon found out that the icky feelings I’d been having in my tummy weren’t gonna pass quickly as I’d hoped they would. They continue to wax and wane throughout the weekend, and finally Sunday night I managed to empty out my system by puking my guts out. I’ll spare the gory details, but it was no fun. Monday was slow going, but that night I finally got some good rest. I was feeling better today, too, and I’ll be back to work tomorrow.
If you’re one of the many people who have called or sent a message in the last few weeks, thanks very much, it all means a lot to me. And if I have taken a while to respond, please don’t take it personally. My energy levels are up and down, and I’m trying to do most of my calling during off-peak hours, which don’t start until 9 for me. If you’re good with text messages, I’m usually pretty good about getting those answered 🙂
On a final bit of news, I’ve decided to put my graduate education on hold until the fall semester. I just don’t have it in me this semester. I just hope I can get my money back for the books!