All that my life seems to be is a series of subtly unrelated events. Without rhyme or reason, and without direction or meaning, all I’ve seemed to do is accumulate seemingly meaningless experience as I blindly play with the strands on the web of life. Alone at the center of the universe, it seems as though I’m merely a spectator of the events that unfold and gradually become my life. Trying to make sense of this confusing mess is like trying to devise a method for cold fusion. Philosophy seems to have lost me, because I keep bringing myself to some sort of existential depression by getting caught in a paradox of circular thought. It is as if I know what I want to believe, but I’ve forgotten how. I haven’t been able to invest any faith into specific ideas, and the only things I have faith in and believe to be true, I don’t understand. I have lost my sense of truth, wisdom, and understanding. I don’t know if I ever had any of them. I no longer have any idea how to believe, how to love, or how to live, and I am quite convinced that I never knew how. It altogether seems to require so much effort, without a goal of any significance to what I long for. Is it ever worth it?
Month: March 1999
At One Year
Behold the twilight; our one time is now.
Take life as it comes; we show ourselves how,
inspired by insight, found with another.
Through these conundrums, you are my brother.
Our spirits will grow as fear is taken.
We can see ourselves, truth not forsaken.
We reap as we sow, through this connection;
Peace in spirit delves, love’s interjection.
Never had I thought, that I might befriend
anyone so true, before this Godsend.
Now I have been taught, through this endeavor,
with much help from you, love is forever.
Still, I may hurt you, or you might hurt me.
Such is life, I know, not vain treachery.
No need to argue, we can trust today.
Together we grow, even while away.
The gift that you gave was not intended
By taking that risk, our lives have mended.
You still help me brave the troublesome times.
Our lives remain brisk, inspiring these rhymes.
So now I thank you, with all of my heart,
for inspirations and refreshing start.
I want to tell you, as this year ends
Congratulations, my dearest of friends.